My heart beat beats me senselessly

Well, today could be best described by the word ‘FAILURE.’

1. I didn’t go to my sociology class.
What? My bed felt extra warm and snuggly this morning! I just couldn’t bear to get up. Okay, I have no good defense. I just didn’t go, and guess what they did in class; WATCHED A MOVIE. I wasted an absence on a film day. FML.

2. Perhaps I spoke too soon about The Color Purple.
We finished screening it at the beginning of class today, and it was actually really well done. So I was wrong. Big deal. But still! The message of the film was completely different from the book. I know that we’re supposed to evaluate the adjustments in relation to the director’s own ‘textual intent’ but I still say boo. Okay, so maybe I teared up a few times…

3. I spilled Cherry Coke all over the floor of the food court.
The janitor who talks like a woman, has a mental disability [I think], and always gets too close for comfort while I’m waiting for a bean burrito had to mop it up. I felt really bad. Sorry! I did get a good view of the inner workings of the ICEE machine, though. I can’t wait to own one!

4. The flowers have bloomed.
Sure they’re pretty, blah blah blah, but I can’t breathe! I shall be McSneezy the Weezy all weekend. And my car has a super thick, super nasty coating of pollen all over it. It needs to be washed so badly, but I’m leaving it on campus this weekend, and I’m certainly not going to pay to have it done.

5. My dad called and told me not to bring booze on the plane.
I’m flying home this weekend [since it's fast and free] so that I can both see and film Unplugged from Love Circle. It better be freaking EPIC. I still have to figure out how to tie it into Mad Liberty assuming that the footage is cool enough to be worth fitting in. Also, I’m hoping to finally draw up the Jai Ho! storyboards while on the plane. I want it to be hilarious, AND IT SHALL. Anyway, I called my dad to check the flights while he was at work, and he asked why I was coming home. When I told him that we would be watching from Love Circle, he gave me the whole ‘no one goes to Love Circle unless they’re smoking pot or having gay sex’ talk again. Okay, so I’ve seen [and even been with] people smoking there but gay sex? At Love Circle? That must have been an 80s thing. Come on, Dad. Give it a rest. I think he only does it for the lols now. Oh, so then he called back like ten minutes later and was like, “Don’t try to get alcohol onto the plane. They might strip you of your flying privileges.” I think all my parents know about me is that I’m an alcoholic. But not really. No, really.

6. I will be the bearer of no one’s grandchildren.
My mom still says things about me having kids one day even though I flat out tell her that it will never happen. Unless, of course, they find out how to make a child from a single person’s DNA. I want clone children, muahahaha! No, but really. Not even to start an Aryan army or anything. I’m just really narcissistic, and I don’t trust sperm. Last weekend, my grandmother asked if I was pregnant because I was hungover and she still hasn’t found all of the liquor bottles in the basement. I told her [and Mom] that MSG2 is far more likely to get preggers than me…and he’s devoid of a uterus. She actually replied, “I know.” Love it.

7. I have a paper due in eleven hours.
Have not started. I have to evaluate cartoons for it. I’m excited.

9. I bought a pizza?
I don’t even like pizza, but I randomly felt compelled to leave and get food off campus. While driving around in my pollen mobile car, I saw a huge billboard for those Little Caesar’s Hot ‘N Ready pizzas for $5. I felt all drugged and brain-washed. “Must. Have. Shitty. Pizza.” *tire squeal* Speaking of squealing, when I was loading up my car last Sunday to drive back to school, there was a giant pig on the porch…? I don’t understand why there are always random farm animals in our yard that aren’t ours. WTF. I hate them all.

10. Sarah = not Sarah.
I found out today that I’ve been calling my Film & Fiction partner the wrong name all semester. Major lols/facepalm. Today in class the professor called her by her real name, and I kind of looked between them with a ‘WTF is he talking about? He’s so dumb!’ face. Then I whispered some lame joke about it to her, and she was like, “That’s my name.” I could have died. I wonder why she never corrected me…? I guess because she’s really quiet and shy. I feel terrible! Every time I see her, I’m like, “Saraaaaaaaaaaaah! WHAT UP?!” At least now I know why she always looks confused when we talk. No wonder I couldn’t find her on Facebook so that I could stalk her.

BONUS: I couldn’t give blood.
[This is a bonus because I want to leave the count at ten, but I can't leave this out.] Okay, I KNOW that I can’t give blood, but I’ve always really wanted to so I try every year. Since I don’t mind needles and actually like watching the blood go through the tube because I am the biggest creep ever I figure that I should at least try. Today when the lady was like, “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re not going to be able to donate this year because YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IRON IN YOUR BODY. You should probably see a doctor, blah blah blah…” I was just kind of, “Oh, still?” Then she gave me this bitchy ‘why the fuck are you wasting my time if you know you’re anemic’ look…so I stole an Oatmeal Cream Pie on the way out of the donation RV thingy. HOW YOU LIKE MY BLOOD NOW, BITCHES?!

So, I suppose that it should have been a shitty day…but it wasn’t! I quite liked it.